What do you know? You're not a doctor.
It's about the health of the baby, anyways.
Statements like these are cold comfort for silent sufferers.
Sufferers from birth abuse and medical malpractice of all kinds. Shadows pushed aside from the white, sterile, life-saving images of a hospital. Pushed aside during their cries with statements like "Well that's just how it is." They are blemishes on the medical community and are trivialized, so many don't even bother speaking up. Most of them don't even know they've been wronged. But those who do...their cries are ignored because of what we've been indoctrinated with. Doctors are gods. Do what they say. Birth is only about the baby, so shut up and take it...you want a healthy baby right?
Our health care system is a mess.
Our health care system is a big mess.
Our health care system is a monstrosity.
I am sick of women telling their stories and hearing the same old responses.
"Get over it, it's not about you. Stop being so selfish." "You're LUCKY to have a healthy baby!" "If you hadn't seen the doctor when you did, you could have died! He saved you!"
I am sick of people belittling others about their tragedies or bad treatment and trying to silence the problems in the medical community. In the case of birth; the birth of a child is the birth of a mother. A mother's feelings during her pregnancy, during and after her labor and delivery will affect her forever. For. Ever. It will change who she is, how she views and treats herself, her child, and the rest of the world. A mother's role in pregnancy and birth is not just to grow the baby and push it out of her vagina (or consent to her baby being ripped from her abdomen). A mother's role is to be able to trust herself, her body, her baby, her spouse (if she has one), and her caretakers. To grow, be empowered, and marvel at how beautiful it all is. Her role is to become a spiritual goddess, a primal being, allowed to do what she and her baby need to do.
Mothers are vastly undervalued here, most prominently when it comes to labor and birth. They are treated as just conduits, mere conduits for their baby to enter the world. Nothing more. They are treated as if they have no big role, that the doctor is the one who will actually hold that baby Simba up on that high rock. Unimportant in the scheme compared to the doctor who will "save" their baby.
I can't say it's not women's fault. Of course it's not primarily or even mostly, their fault...but it doesn't mean women don't contribute to the problem. Women do not fight for their value; they hide behind stereotypes and the status quo. They do what is popular, accepted, or recommended without questioning whether it is right for their baby...just for them. Mothers have settled for doing what's convenient and easy for them rather than what is best for their baby. They slap on excuses like "Happy Mama = Happy Baby" which is true...but just because your baby is very happy does not mean you are doing your best for them. It's parenting by minimums. The minimum you can do is formula feed (by choice right from the start). The minimum you can do is sit your child in their bouncy seat all day. The minimum you can do is cry it out. The minimum you can do is spank. But that's okay because it works for the mom (99% of the time it is NOT right for the baby). They give up their roles by allowing doctors, teachers, peers, and society to tell them when they are and aren't important and right, how to raise their children, who they are, what their role is, and how it fits in. They allow these "superior", "more educated", "experienced" people to destroy what being a mother is. They trade what is important for what is perceived as easier and more convenient. Trade in what is best for their children for what is best for them because it's easy.
This brainwashing starts when the mother becomes pregnant (well, it starts when THEIR mothers were pregnant, and from birth on, but it kicks in when a woman becomes pregnant!) The doctors tell her what and what not to do. They prescribe anti-nausea meds, anti-reflux meds, pain medications, medications for anxiety and depression; but don't explain the real risks (or make them sound minuscule and not serious), assure women they are "safe" and "effective." They reassure with "It will help. I mean, how could you possibly function without it? Think about how much easier it will make your life!" The insist on the flu shot and the TDaP vaccine. Most doctors don't know the risks or don't share them, and don't read the literature on them. The shock comes when these women's previously healthy babies develop serious birth defects or experience spontaneous miscarriage or stillbirth. And who is blamed? The woman. Always the woman.
"What? No, it wasn't those medications/vaccines. They are perfectly safe, or else I wouldn't have prescribed them. You have done something to cause this. You must not have ate healthy enough. You must have ate cold cuts. You must have drank alcohol or did drugs. Maybe you wanted this to happen. Did you want to hurt the baby on purpose?? Maybe you aren't meant to have kids. This happened to you for a reason. Your body just can't have kids."
How is that fair? It isn't and the doctors lay on a thick guilt trip to make the mother second guess herself and damage her already fragile emotional state. Most women will never recover from that. From reading blogs, mommy websites, mommy groups, and facebook...I've seen women regurgitate what they've been told by their care providers. I've seen about ever excuse possible for a doctor's/caregiver's mistakes and/or negligence. The blame is always placed squarely on the shoulder of the women.
The thing is...
WOMEN BELIEVE IT!
Women lose all confidence in themselves, their bodies, and everything they think they know. So they learn to continue relying on the "almighty" doctor. They don't understand that there are alternative explanations, and alternative care they can receive besides what doctors tell them. Most don't bother to put the effort in to find the answers, they just can't come to terms with the fact that they are not a failure, but put the life of their child in the hands of a failure. They don't realize their body is not a lemon.
Pregnancy usually rolls along just "fine." Most of the time by the third trimester the doctor presents a "problem." This problem is usually accompanied by either a "dead baby" card, or a fake benefit or upside. "The baby is too big, you need a c-section or the baby will get stuck and die. You don't want that, right? You have gained too much weight, lay off the twinkies and carbs, or you'll never lose it post partum. Your due date is approaching, we're just gonna go ahead with an induction today. Don't you want to meet your baby today? Why not schedule that elective cesarean now? You'll get to pick your baby's birthday! You'll skip the pain of labor, it only takes 20 minutes! Plus, you will be doing your husband a favor by not ruining your vagina. Oh, your water broke? Come in immediately because if you labor more than 24 hours you will get an infection and you will make your baby sick. Your baby could die!"
Again, more often than not there really is no problem, but nothing is ever discussed with the mother about whether or not a problem is really indicated. She is told there is one, instead of coming to the conclusion on her own that there is one. They never explain the (very serious) risks of routine interventions and attempt to intimidate the mother into complying to whatever they say. Some will even sweet talk the mother until the mother is in labor, and then take advantage of her weak situation.
The uninformed mother almost universally goes along with things. She doesn't want to be a bad mom, and what if her baby does get sick and die? The mother is set up for more failure and destruction of herself. She thinks..."He's the doctor, and doctors know best, after all. They have a lot more schooling. What isn't great about having my baby sooner? I get to pick his birthday? Sign me up. If it were so dangerous they wouldn't allow it to be done." She reassures herself that this is okay even though she knows deep down that it isn't.
Even informed women fall prey and crumble under pressure from the Establishment, and often. These women are punished, ridiculed, and ostracized for daring to step outside of "policy" or what is accepted as "normal." But that's okay because, having a healthy baby is the goal, right??
Right.
Except, it is intertwined inextricably with a healthy, happy mother. It is the same thing. It is not separate. Up until the cord is cut after birth, mama and baby are one and it is essential to treat them as the mama wishes during labor especially. If the roots of the plant are not watered, are not given the nutrients it needs...how can the plant be healthy? If you don't treat the roots well, the plant will not do well. Women hardly realize that they are blind to how they are being treated...well, rather, mistreated. They are being mistreated medically, ethically, emotionally, physically, socially, and lawlessly. They don't see that they are being damaged.
Undervalued.
Oh yeah, and then birth! Women are told what is going to happen. "We're going to strap you with this monitor. You need an IV, you can't keep anything down plus if (read: when) we have to give you a c-section. What's this? Oh, just (just?!) Pitocin...it just speeds things up. We're going to break your water, it will too speed things up. Pain is too intense? I'll call the anesthesiologist. What? No Epidural? Honey, why be in pain if you don't need to be? Just get it, you'll thank me later. Hungry? Too bad, hospital does not all eating in their policy. Walking to help dilate you? Haha! That IV needs to stay in and we need to monitor the baby so don't dare get out of bed. How about that epidural now? You need to wait to push for the doctor to get here. Why are we getting the scissors? Well honey, you can't seem to push right or hard enough so we're going to cut you so the doctor can deliver the baby. You can't hold your baby right now, you're being stitched. He also needs to be warmed. You cannot waive these shots or the eye ointment. I know you don't have any STD's, but testing could be faulty. The baby is deceling. You need an emergency c-section. You can't. You can't. You can't. Here's the general anesthesia mask. ........Aren't you glad the doctor saved your baby?"
How is any of this good for the mother's health, sense of self, confidence, faith, privacy, rights? How about for the baby's? This is not respect for life, this is respect of money. None of these things have been proven safe when used regularly, none of these statements considerate. None of this has improved outcomes for mothers or babies (the United States has one of the worst morbidity and mortality rate of mothers and babies). The doctors by now have usually destroyed all faith and trust and sense of self a women has for herself, her body, her baby, her spouse, and nature.
And so the cycle goes. I know I'm getting repetitive. I know. I know you're not all morons. The points are just so important and warrant repetition. Why can't women accept that doctors aren't know-it-all gods. You don't know whether they graduated with D's or A's. You don't know whether they keep on the most recent recommendations and/or studies. You don't know whether or not his/her personal opinions influence or affect their practice or recommendations. In fact, how can they not?
No, of course most doctors aren't out to do this sort of damage or harm anyone purposely. Many doctors are just going by what they were taught (curricula courtesy of Big Pharma!) and what their experiences have been (influenced completely by Big Pharma). But, there are some doctors who despite knowing what is going on behind the curtains, choose to continue to knowingly hurt people.
"But, why?"
Why else? Money. Political gain. If there weren't any sick people to treat, most of the pharmaceutical industry would crumble and cease to exist. It's good business to keep people sick. It helps population control. Even better yet, helps to get people to follow the status quo and authority (read: government).
Some people might call this an anti-science or an anti-doctor rant. That's now what this is at all. What it is, is a pro-information rant. A pro-research rant. A pro-self-reliance rant. People should question things. They should weigh the risk and benefit themselves with all information provided or researched themselves. If they happen to agree with their doctor, that's great! They've come to that same conclusion on their own, knowing all the facts and having all the information available to them; and basing it off how well they know their bodies and themselves. When people accept recommendations by a doctor, accepting the doctor's risk vs. benefit analysis, they are putting blind faith in their doctor. Their doctor only has so much information, the blanks are filled in by assumptions. Doctors don't know your body like you do.
Don't accept things just because someone with 'Ph.D' following their named or stamped on their desk plate told you so. They are human too; not impervious to mistakes, misinformation, greed, and narcissism. You should take control of your own health, not rely on someone else to do it for you. Don't be a sheep, blindly following their leader. Do you hire the doctor to advise you, or does he hire you to be advised?
Who is in control of you and your health?
This goes for health, motherhood, parenting, relationships, and everything else in life. You need to be able to trust yourself and discover what is right for you by coming to your own conclusions....not relying on someone else to do it for you.
Rose
